If you think the Prime Directive is silly or corny, or you sigh or snigger when it’s read aloud at the start every retrospective, George Dinwiddie reminds us what it’s all about and why it’s so important:
As we look back on that unchangeable moment, we may still think: “I should have done such-and-such. I knew it at the time, but I didn’t do it. I could have, and I should have.” What good does this do us? It may make us feel bad about ourselves. Or, being the high-achievers that we are, it may steel our resolve to do better in the future. Either way, it doesn’t equip us with the knowledge of how to do better in the future, because it doesn’t uncover the reasons why we didn’t do better in the past.
We may apply the same attitude toward someone else: “He should have done such such-and-such. He should have known it. He could have done better and he didn’t.” Now we’ve compounded the problems even more. By blaming the other person, we incite defensiveness on their part. Perhaps anger or shame, too. We pile unhelpful emotions onto the situation, burying the facts we need to see. And we poison our relationship with the other person, destroying trust in both directions.
Quoting Wallace C. Ellerbroek, George says:
Bearing in mind that there are many factors of which I am unaware." What excellent advice that is! It’s those very factors that we want to discover. As we examine that boneheaded move that our colleague made, we want to tread very lightly so that we remain respectful of the person.
